Thanksgiving....



this thanksgiving was probably one of the best so far. I usually hate thanksgiving because I always get stuck going to someone's house who i havent seen since the last thanksgiving and I dont particularly like spending time with these people...nevermind spending holidays with them. But this year was really fun. There were tons of people...old and new faces. I liked how the Rogers family invasion of Az is slowly begining to happen. It was great to see so much of my family together. Its been a while since we have been able to be spend time together at the same time. It's usually spread out through out the year and we take turns. I got to spend alot of time with Lauren too, which is always the best time.

Life is moving by fast, only three weeks until Christmas...still dont know what i'm doing with my life haha...still praying about what exactly to do.
Can't wait until Christmas...more of us will be here.
I love my family...couldnt ask for a better one...or funnier one, but concidering I'm related to them, they've got to be funny.

  






  





have i ever mentioned how much I love my pirate best friend?? Michele Genesis McBroom, You're a gift from God. I wouldnt have made it through the last 9 months without you. I love you more than you'll ever know. You truly are an amazing woman of God!

Ok,
so those of you who know me best know how much I love Lauryn Hill...but this is my favorite song. I was reading Dale's blog today and he was talking about Love. How we sometimes dont really understand what love is, how we say we love things, but we dont understand what that word means...
anyways so i was thinking about that. I hate (another word for another blog) that I say i love some people or love somethings, yet I really dont understand that if i loved those things you would be able to tell. Not just by how I talk about them, but how I act.
I have always been a firm believer in love being an actiona nd not just a word. However, it is a word and we have to be careful how we use our words.
anyways, here is my favorite song...if you wanna hear it send me a message and I'll e-mail it to you, it's amazing...i hope to live my life by these words.
out for now!
-Al
Let me be patient
let me be kind
Make me unselfish without being blind
Though I may suffer I'll envy it not
And endure what comes
Cause he's all that I got
and tell him...Tell him I need him (yeah)
Tell him I love him (tell him)
And it'll be alrigh
Tell him
be alright
be alright
Tell him
tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
It'll be alright


Now I may have faith to make mountains fall
But if I lack love then I am nothin' at all
I can give away everything I possess
But left without love then I have no happiness
I know I'm imperfect (I know I'm imperfect)&
not without sin (& not without sin)
But now that I'm older all childish things end
and tell him...Tell him I need him (yeah)Tell him I love him (tell him)
And it'll be alright
Telll him
be alright be alright
Tell him
tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
It'll be alright[Bridge]

I'll never be jealous
And I won't be too kind
Cause love is not boastful
Oooh and loveis not loud
Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
Everything's gonna be alright
Oooh oooh yeah yeah aww yeah

Now I may have wisdom and knowledge on Earth
But if I speak wrong then what is it worth?
See what we now know is nothing comparedto the love that was shown when our lives were spared
and tell him...Tell him I need him
(yeah) Tell him I love him (tell him)
And it'll be alright[Background singing]
Telll himmm be alright be alrightTell him
tell him I need him Tell him I love himIt'll be alright


ps, thank you Dale...again

on your mark get set, on your mark get set...on your mark get set, on your mark get set...on your mark get set, on your mark get set...on your mark get set...on your mark get set...on your mark get set...on your mark get set...on your mark get set...on your mark get set...on your mark get on your mark get set....set....on your mark get seon your mark get set...on your mark get set...on your mark get set...on your mark get set...on your mark get set...on your mark get set...on your mark get set...
so what happened to Go? What do we do now?
we're on our mark, we're set...but where do we go?
does God's plan for your life ever seem like it couldnt be more clouded...couldnt be less clear? I have felt like that for the last 5 years. I get frusterated cause i want o know what God's plan for me is, what i am supossed to be doing. I get so upset about it that i would start feeling like i must be doing something totally wrong to make God not want to tell me what i am supossed to be doing. Or God must be confused and he's trying to figure it out and that's why it's taking so long...
But what if I'm the one who's had it backwards?? what if i've been complicating everything? what if I've been complicating everything by making it too simple? make any sense?
see...what I'm learning now is that life is so much broader than i ever expected it to be. Life is not Black and White and God is not so simple that he has everything just perfectly planned out for me.
God is adventerous, colorfull and daring. And i seem to be the one who's scared to move. the one making everything more complicated by making it so simple, so orcastrated...life is so much more than that. God s so much bigger than my box.
what i am trying to say here i guess is that...well. There is more to God and his plan for us than we give him credit for. I dont know about you, but when i make one mistake, i tend to think i am messed up for good and that i am doomed to get just good instead of great because i messed up. Or lately i feel like i have to see things one way or the other cause there couldnt possibly be another easier way...it couldnt possibly just be that I messed and it's over with and i'm forgiven and God wants to help me deal with it...
i think i tend to forget who God really is, or worse, i think i know who he is, when really i have no clue cause he's so amazing that I will never really know him the way I should. I forget that the whole plan wa for a relationship. The Bible was created to help us know God better and to have a relationship with him...it's not meant to be a 5 step self-help book!!!

can you still reach me?
I'm so far gone.
your love is never ending, unfailing.
the journey i've brought myself on feels hopeless.
the pain feels as if it will last forever.
I've been unfaithful, and my heart has turned to stone.
Can you still reach me?
How far can i go before you find me, how long will this night be?
how will you find me, i'm so far away, so far gone.
Will you stretch out your arms and save me from myself once again?
Will I trust you you to save me?
Will I find hope in you once again?
There was a time when I felt nothing could come between us.
But I've allowed it...i've come between us.
Can you find me?
CAn you get rid of the self in me?

well well well...
this has been a very very long week. I never knew i couldl feel so many different kinds of emotions at the ame time...sadness, grief, happiness, excitement, remeberance, joy, and i'm just plain tired.
and yet, at the same time. i wish i sisnt have to feel anything at all. some part of me wishes i could just be numb to all emotions. Everything would be so much easier. I could make rational decisions, could be strong and hold the people i love up, and i could be everything i want to be. I feel like emotions are a bad thing. even though i know they arent, i mean how can something that God created to be such a huge part of us be bad? Jesus himself felt emotions. Every emotion you could think of, he felt, becuae he was a man. Being human means we are stuck having these emotions.
So many times we are told not to let our emotions cause to make our decisions one way or another. But also, we're told to "listen to our hearts" or let our feelings tell us what to do. So, we're stuck. We dont know what to think, let alone feel. sometimes, we dont even know how we feel. We think we feel something, but we dont really know.
so how do we make the right decisions?? I havent figured this out, because if i decide one thing, it might be based purely on my emotions, or the other where i ignore the feelings, and then how do i know if that's right?
well..it more than that...i am tired of feeling...if that makes any sense. Tired of feeling sad, mad, tired of feeling worried about things, or wondering what's going on. Even tired of being happy and excited....just tired.
I buried my grandfather this week. I felt like i was in a movie, standing there at the end of someone's life wondering what will be said when it's you. Who will be there?? who will be remembering the things you did, the things you said to them, the love you gave to them...
I'm tired of watching my mother cry because she misses her father. Crying cause she never got to say goodbye. Tired of watching my brothers cry cause they dont understand why all the other kids at school have their grandfather to watch their baseball games, their school plays...I'm tired of crying cause my grandfather will never hear me sing again, never see me get married, never meet my children...
I'm tired of crying thinking about the day I will be in my mother's position. Tired of thinking about the little decisions I am making and how they will effect my entire life! One step in any direction can change everything...i dont wanna move. I dont wanna do anything...i wish i could see all the different angles of the way my life could be, and then pick which one I want...pick which way i want my life to end up...but where's the fun in that???

PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE????!!!!


well...i know this is true. But, this is something that I have been learning, and when i say I leanring i mean learning, cause let me just tell you i certainly have not aquired this virtue. But, it is something i am striving for. but yeah...there are so many different things to have patience about... one big one for me is knowing God's will for my life. I mean, like i just want to know where and when for everything, but God has a perfect timing for everything, and this means a perfect time to let us know where and when...but i am just so impulsive and nosy...i just want to know everything now!
but think about it...wouldnt life be so much easier if we knew the answer before we started somthing...like.."is this really where i am supossed to be"? "Am i going to marry this guy"? "Is this the right color to wear"?? haha ok, that was to lighten the blog..but seriosuly, how badly i would like to know the outcome of my decisions, but some i know, i choose to ignore...
well...we can only pray for direction right?? well Lord,
"I need direction, for many areas of my life right now. You know where, what ,who and when...that's the best assurance i have, you already know. All i can do is wait...PATIENTLY".

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